Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
