Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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