Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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