How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
