go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
