Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
