I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
