I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
