Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
