she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
