don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
