I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
