hell yes lets make some ravioli
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize