Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
His hands were made for my vagina.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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