I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
