she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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