You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
