I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
