will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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