the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
