I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
