I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
