chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
