she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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