Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
