My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
