forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
