What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
