im gay
i know
yea but for you.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
