I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
