i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize