sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
