question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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