I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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