wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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