I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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