Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
