I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
