she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
