If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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