What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize