If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
His nipple licking is glorious
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