I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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