Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
