It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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