You made me cry and you don't even care
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize