and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
