woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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