Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
