Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize