There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
as a side note pls kill me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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