If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
