im holly from the hills drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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