Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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