It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
