I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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