"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
