I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
