every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize