For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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