My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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