you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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