Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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