Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
