Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
