he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
