Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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