....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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