the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
