He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
