this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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