Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
