Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
