just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
