Me too!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize