I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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