she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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