Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
