my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize