i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
