What did we do last night that was yellow?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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