she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
