I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
