All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
