I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
