He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
