I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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