I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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