I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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