it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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