Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
