Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
