If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I cockslap morals
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
