Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
