i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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