I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
