She's JV to your varsity
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
