i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
