I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
