You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize