Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
