I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
