I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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