i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
