Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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