It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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