So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
