Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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