how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
