I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
