Where are you?
In a non slutty way
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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