Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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