her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
