All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
