My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
