Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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