i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
