I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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