You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
