I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize